The Holiday Without You

First Christmas without
you
Brings present memories
Growing up in a big family
Giftwrap like fallen leaves
Burns brightly in a fireplace bonfire
On Linden Avenue

You were always there
Stories, hugs, crowded cozy couches
Security.

I miss you
I miss your growl
As you nestle your nose in your wife's hair
And snuggle
I miss your appetite
For whatever is on the table
Your hunger and laughter

Holidays
Are nothing to complain about
though harder than expected
This year.
First without you Christmas

The grass is growing where you rest
But I cannot bear to see that quite yet.

Doug and Erica Get Married Today

His voice
echoing
Step by step
Note by note
Is a staircase of magic
While his bride's
Smile beckons joy
Fully

His heart, a traveling pathway
Finding self completely
with her spark
Igniting a room-filled
rose garden
Both, a beautiful dance

Across the horizon
stars and lights and
water shimmer
efforts evaporate

Let me hold you
In my arms and sing
I love you
I choose you
Forever

Pies from L.A.

Banana Cream
Bite o Boysenberry
Chocolately divine
Pumpkin scrumpled with cream
Whipped
All arrived in due time
With a big smile
With Bob in stride

Texas Hold-Em
Cribbage...whatelse?
And a kayak ride on the
daunting turbulent sea
Harbor safety and naming yachts
Keeping warm on the way home
with the heat on high

A good day.

Loving Jim

I love my brother Jim
I will always love him
Summer two thousand ten
Was unreal
He fought
He taught
He loved
He rested
In a way that was of honor
Kristi
Completely
Unconditionally
Surrounded him with protection
His children
His grandchildren
Sang, read, comforted, shared
Showed us what love is.
I enjoy
The knowledge
That Jim was loved
In a way that we can only imagine
"Wow"
Alive with the most precious passion
That he gave away to us
And then to himself

Dear God, may I say
Thank you
For Jim
For Kristi
And as doors open
And life continues
Let joy come freely
As days, weeks, months, years pass
Peace.
Laughter.
Love.
I will always love my brother Jim.

Nyquil Nagging

Ah this nagging cough
This hacking, spewing, breath
I have lost my voice!
Nyquil at night
Dayquil at day
Yawn, sputter, gag.

I take a moment to look out yonder
Yachts
Tides going in and out
Cobblestones
Circular pathways
Hotel Del
And a margarita shaker
With ice

Saving this memory
Savoring the moment
Cough
Sneeze

Happiness is not measured
With a yardstick
Or a ruler
Or a thermometer
Or with ice clanking against the glass

Happiness is unmeasured
In the clouds
In the wind that brushes the hair
Into your eyes
Out of your reach
In a moment

We share a moment
Between sneezes
And coughs
And tears
That is imprinted
One thumb
Around in a necklace
Hanging with LOVE

Words are Thunder

Thunder are your words to me
Is there lightning to follow?
Your so-called words of wisdom
Are angry
Clash against my clouds
Jagged bolts of hot lightning
Carved initials of "no"

Another thundering roll
Splattered sizzling slivers
Slash through the restless sky
A cry against

I only want what is best is the roll
Save yourself forecast
Listen to me
I love you

The break away
The force
I will do it anyway
As best I can
Trust me
Trust me

Rain falls against the sounding bellows
Faces getting wet, tears empty
Looking up is all I can do
To YOU
Protect my thundering wanderings
Protect my beloved
Let the world blossom with the tears of rain
And forgive

Denial is her name

It's not true
It can't be so
Everything is all right
Don't worry
I've brushed it under the carpet
Whatever it was
Whatever it is
Don't worry
Don't worry

The carpet is worn
Lumps stumble the pattern
Holes expose threads

A shaken carpet is a thunder storm
The crackled lightning
Blasting like an alarm

Denial plays mean tricks
Drowns empty bottles
Ice clinking
swirling in a cup
Memories pour out
and pain fills up
once again.


Denial
is
a
thief

Lessons unlearned
Chapters unfinished
Pages empty
Words hollowed

I don't want to see or hear
taste or smell
or feel her.
Denial is not my friend.
She needs to be shattered

Salvation is by Faith

We were called into his room
where Jim
whispered
his last words
"Salvation is by Faith"

We were
breathless, breathtaken
kneeling...leaning in.....listening
clinging
to
each
breath
to
each
word
as
it
was
formed
so
carefully.

There was pain but he did not complain
Prayer was his salve
There could be no doubt
We absorbed God's promise
Brought alive by the bedside

Jim is imprinted
into Auburn
its soul and water
its rocks and grass and trees and people
His people
You, me, us, they, all.

Jim left us his gift of truth
A touch
A breath
He reached up

Salvation is by Faith.

Artichokes and More

There are artichokes stuffed in a crate
I am mad at you
And spinach pies,
frozen
You too
Avocados, bananas
The rows of vitamins on the shelf.
All of you ...I am mad
Down the aisles.
Looking at bottles and juices
Milks and yogurts
And you, artichokes
Green
windy
Pokey things sticking out
You
I am mad
At you.

Checking out
engaging in conversation
The cute guy in a Hawaiin shirt
who helped me
asked about my travels
Northern California
Bass Lake
And four day trips to Auburn
To visit my brother who has cancer
And he shared thoughts of kindness
I cried right there
Softly
And he spoke to me
Softly
Time, where did it go?
Told me he would be right back

He put flowers in my bag
flowers in my bag
And he opened his arms and hugged me
It felt so good.
Do you see?

I am not mad at you.
I am not mad at anyone or anything.
I am so grateful for all of the good people
In the world.
Who are there to care for one another.
And I am sorry
For loss.

I will leave artichokes alone
I really have nothing against them

The flowers are tulips.
And they are beginning to open.

Wake up Innocent

Wake up
Innocent
Not guilty until proven so
One breath and you are in
Like a baby
Crawling with vigor to see it all
Giggling
Kicking
Spinning
Grasping and hugging
A simple touch emits joy
A brush of skin
The scent of clean hair
Like a baby awakened
Innocent
is the day
Wake up

Two Sweet Four Words

Sweet, Sincere
Are two who
Kick it up fun and
Travel the breezeways
Holding drink cups with a splash of peace

Four words
No one can replace
Teachers with open hearts

Their strides
captivate the future
in appealing, amazing, anticipation
of brightness and hope

Two sweet four words.
Teachers with open hearts
No one can replace.

Sunny Day

A sunny day
Opens the curtains
To a breath of fresh air
Shadows and dreamy daze
Are vanquished in an instant
No more sittin round
Waiting for a reason
A sunny day
Waiting for a reason
No more sittin round
Are vanquished in an instant
Shadows and dreamy daze
To a breath of fresh air
Opens the curtains
Sunny day

Okay, Here Come the Tears

She called me with news
new job
change
At first a little misty eyed, then
Hear
come the
tears;
Their sound, effortless
As they wash my cheeks
I swipe them away, gently
Blend them into my blush

landscape changes
horizontal to sitting up straight
recalling, embracing
Her gift of grace and lightness
In the middle of a hectic day

Okay
Here come the tears.

The birdies sing

Tweet is the song of the bird
From my window
Mother's Day

My mother loved the sound of birds
As she lay in her back room
Do you hear the song
of the birds, Diane?

Tweet is the song of the bird
From my heart
Mother's Day

I miss my mother dearly
Apple pies
Cupcakes for the kids
Flannel nightgown slumber parties

Mother's Day
Is ever a song
the birdies sing.

Wheatgrass and Ocean

He tells me about the bounty of wheat
Flats of grass
Squeezed
Green liquid quickly chugged
Bringiton!

Dylan
Roams the waves
Tunnels
Arms slice through salty arrivals
Bringiton!

Clear thinking
Mind opened
Wheatgrass and ocean
Beginnings are thoughtful
Bringiton!

Deep down pillows of peace

For so long....
Sleep elusive
tossed and turned
hair lopsided
eyes puffy
Whoever looked back at me
from the mirror
in the morning
was unknown
What up?

I woke up today
With a breath of peace
It lingered long and low
from within
Deep down pillows of peace
A gift from a brother
Who reminds us of who we are

I made the bed
Quite as usual
Arranging those pillows with care
and a toss of joy.

Greet the Day

Wake up
Get up
Hit the bar bells
Lift, one, two, three
Lift
Up to twenty

Make the bed
Toss the pillows
One teddy bear from Sedona
lands on top
always

Say a prayer
A decade
or two
Give this day to God
lay out all that is to be
Before Him

You are my anti-inflammatory
my right hand man
my sanity when insanity lurks
my lifeline
my hope against hope
my anti-depressant

Hairspray flies
A dash of sweet cologne
Which shoes to wear?
Toast pops up
Orange peeled squeezes into the morning hour
A handfull of books and papers
And a quick homemade lunch

Out the door
Into the world
Rain
Windy
Patchy
Filled with people to love

Greet the day
Amen

I'm Not Giving Up

I'm not giving up
No
I am living my style and way
Yes

I am more focused than you can imagine!
My voice resounds
God's Word
Yet, I am humbled, speechless
At times
When it is quiet
And I watch the trees catching glimpses
Of rain, of wet, of ponderings

I'm not giving up
No
I am living my style and way
Yes

Courage overcomes fear
Love drowns out tears
Wisdom comforts thinking
A blanket warms me
Cancer has opened me
To who I am

Yes
I am living my style and way
No
I'm not giving up

A Definite Possibility

A definite possibility
Maybe so and only if?

We walked the creekside
Heard the bucket drummers
Climbed a mountain
Scanned the surf along the coastline
Wandering the art show
Pick of the day
Three out of five Thai spice
High five for Evan
Madonna sweets

On solid ground
To be with you
On a day like this
Is definitely more than a possibility

Only if's and maybe so's
Are laughters along the way.

Dancer on the Beach

She
cast off her skirt
running down to the shore
balancing on rocks
while the waves shuffled in

wash away
splash
wash away
dance

Her bathing suit glistened in the light
of the day
throwing arms to the sky
round belly swayed
hips moving in tune
invisible music
horizon blue

wash away
splash
wash away
dance

While the waves shuffled in
She danced.

Fallacy

thinking beyond the stars
grabbing onto the edge of the table
fallacies disintegrate
a clearing

dylan explains

philosophy enters on cat's feet
leaving impressions
gentle footsteps in time will fade
steps taken ahead

a clearing
fallacies disintegrate
grabbing onto the edge of the table
thinking beyond the stars

Time

Beginning tonight
Setting up a place.
It's time!
Poems still.
place settings
...